In one of my first posts I mentioned that I have a seriously love/hate relationship with this job. I then proceeded to talk about how much I loved what I do, but I promised I’d spew some hate before it was all said and done. Well, it’s time for some of that hate. If you don’t want to hear me bitch, I strongly suggest that you click the little ‘X’ in the top-right of your computer screen right now.
I’m not sure how much longer I can do this shit. And you might be surprised, but it’s not the heat, or the coal dust, or the constant physical ass-kickings I take on a consistent basis that are making me want to tell my boss, and this job, to kiss my ass. More than that, it’s spending about half my life in hotel rooms being an incredibly lonely, incredibly single 26-year-old that has me asking myself how much longer I should be doing this. I’m so tired of watching life pass me by. It’s harder than it sounds. When normal people go to the airport, a loved one drops them off. Not me, I drive myself. Normal people get picked up by someone they care about, not me, I drive myself back to my empty-ass apartment. I know. It seems fucking insane to bitch about being paid to travel the world. But trust me on this, it’s harder than it sounds. I miss people. A lot. I hate getting home to DIA to see some pretty girl rush into the arms of the lucky bastard that’s waiting for her. I go and retrieve my toolbox and my suitcase and stroll out to my truck and carry on just like I never left. I guess flying 70 times a year makes it so common-place that I feel like no one gives a shit when I come or go.
Sure, I’ve seen some amazing things in my travels…
And, in a week or two, I take off for a week in China and two weeks in South Korea. Pretty awesome, but I guess I’m getting to the point where I want someone with whom to share all this more than I want to continue to see the world. Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly thankful for all the experiences. And I’m fully aware of how lucky I am to have had these opportunities. But it’s getting hard to do it on my own. Maybe Kentucky’s just getting to me, or the fact that I’m working in the single worst work site I’ve seen in my life, but I’m lonely, and tired. And as of right now, I’m feeling more like going back to school than I’m feeling like going to Asia. I’d rather spend 180 nights a year with someone special than spend 180 nights in hotel rooms travelling around on my own. I do know how crazy that sounds, but all I can say is try it. For 3 and half years. You’d be surprised how Paris means less to you than people you love.